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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28044957">to love today</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/teardropsday/pseuds/teardropsday'>teardropsday</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lego Ninjago</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sibling Bonding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:02:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28044957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/teardropsday/pseuds/teardropsday</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the only sound to be heard in the depths of the night was the owls and winter wind. kai laid in bed, staring out the window. he couldn't help the smile on his face. for once, things actually went perfect. </p>
<p>- - - </p>
<p>or the fic in which jay and kai hold hands, and lloyd gets a new brother.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kai/Jay Walker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to love today</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this one is for all my friends and their crazy antics. love you guys.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>snow fell gently from the darkened, cloudy sky over ninjago. it covered rooftops and sidewalks like a soft white blanket. if it weren't for the bustling streets and cars, one could find it peaceful. many people seemed to be out at this time of evening doing last minute christmas shopping, considering it was two days before christmas day. simply irresponsible was the word for these people. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>such a person was kai. he grumbled underneath his breath as yet another person walked by him and knocked his shoulder back. if he had been wearing his equipment, that person would probably be doubling over in pain. instead, he wore a sweatshirt and jeans, not good clothes for fighting the weather. the cold didn't help by any means, and he wanted to go home. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"why exactly are we out here at this time of day?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>oh yeah, he had almost forgotten. jay walked behind him, and why the lightning ninja had decided to join on this trip was beyond kai. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>the other ninja had practically jumped out of his seat at the breakfast bar upon hearing that kai was going out to town during that day, although kai hadn't explained why. he'd beat lloyd to it, and for that kai was thankful. then again, it was jay. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>not that he was complaining, jay wasn't bad company most of the time, but he didn't understand why he would willingly come out into the cold with him for simply one thing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>lloyd's christmas gift.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm shopping for lloyd's gift, i haven't been able to find anything." kai grit his teeth. it was worse when he admitted it aloud. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>jay now walked at his side, seemingly in thought. "what's so hard about it? you know the kid." he asked, shaking the snow out of his hair with one hand. with yet another gust of icy wind, jay's scarf flew to the side and hit kai in the shoulder. the fire ninja swatted the fabric away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"well, what do you even get a kid in his situation? he hasn't exactly the most normal childhood."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"oh, i know that. but the fact that you are being thoughtful about it is proof enough, right? that you care about him." jay kicked a pebble across the sidewalk as he talked, him and kai having slowed to a stroll. it would be nice in any other situation, at least for kai. jay didn't seem to mind the weather too much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai quirked a brow. "wow, jay getting wise on me. unheard of."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai yelped and laughed as he received a light punch to the shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i was being serious!" jay huffed at being teased, although it's all in good fun. they fell into silence after that, boots crunching against the snow covered sidewalk. as the evening went on, the streets began to clear more and more, much to kai's relief. the winter wind bit harder though, and kai cringed. the cold air felt like pins and needles against his skin. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"maybe we should try this place." jay suggested, and the two stopped in front of a toy store, specifically one that was only opened for the holidays. decorated in lavish christmas lights, kai could only dramatically compare the building to the sun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>jay seemed to have the same thoughts though, seeing as he blinked and looked away for a moment. "even if this place is really bright! how many lights did they use?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai didn't answer, but glanced at the other ninja. the bright reds, greens, and yellows shone down on him in warm hues. jay looked back at him, and kai's heart nearly stopped. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>jay smiled at him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>it was one of his signature, toothy lopsided grins, and kai looked away with a curt blush. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>what the hell?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai quickly walked into the store, leaving jay bewildered as to what was wrong. he followed in after kai though, closing the door behind them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai was already examining the shelves, and he realized that this was primarily a toy store. various gadgets and building blocks aligned the shelves, and there was even a comic book section. jay squatted down at one shelf at the end of the aisle, picking up a rubber yellow ball. he read the tag to himself, and the mischievous glint in his eye concerned kai. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"whatever you are thinking, don't do it-" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i'm gonna do it!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"don't you-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>before kai could finish, jay already had the ball in the palm of his hand, throwing it full force at the ground. kai watched as the ball hit the tiled floor, then bounced up and hit the ceiling. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>right before coming back down and hitting the top of jay's head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"ow!" jay exclaimed, holding the top of his head as the ball rolled away. kai bursted into laughter, and jay glared at him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you were basically asking for that to happen." kai teased him, and jay huffed. after that, they both walked over to the comic book section. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"do you think that lloyd would like any of these?" kai asked, plucking one off the shelf before flipping through it. they all looked like ones that lloyd or one of the other ninjas already had. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>now that kai was thinking about it, he wasn't sure what lloyd liked at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>him and lloyd had grown past the childish disputes, they both had grown in their own ways but as time went on, kai realized that he was emotionally distant from the situation. sure, him and lloyd were somewhat passive with one another, but there was a lack of getting to know each other. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he thought of all the things the other ninjas and lloyd shared. it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, kai wasn't being a good adult or siblings like figure in lloyd's life. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>what if lloyd thought kai hated him? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>just as kai was starting to spiral, he set the comic book back on the shelf. he looks to jay, who had been staring at him for the past minute or so. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"let's go somewhere else. something tells me i'm not gonna be able to find anything for him here." kai suggested and jay nodded in reply. the two then walked towards the door, bidding the person at the register a farewell before stepping out into the cold once more. the snow was falling harder, nowhere near a storm, but kai winced as snow hit his eyes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he flipped the hood of his sweatshirt up, but it didn't do much to fight the cold. he cursed himself for not bringing another jacket like jay, who was zipping up his windbreaker over his own sweatshirt. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai wasn't sure where to go next. he knew he couldn't keep him and jay in the cold for much longer. his mood was starting to sour, and the last thing he wanted was to take it out on some stranger, or worse, jay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai kept walking, albeit a little bit faster than jay. he could tell that jay was struggling to keep up the pace a bit, but he didn't stop. there was a sinking feeling in his chest. he couldn't stop it, he felt as if he was suffocating. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"kai, what's wrong?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>no answer. kai kept walking. he heard jay's footsteps speed up from behind him, so he walked faster. it killed him inside to possibly think that lloyd might hate him. after everything they had been through, it was clear to kai that he was not emotionally present for the kid. a relationship needs nurturing, he was smart enough to know that, and he had failed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>it physically hurt him, so did it hurt lloyd? had it been hurting him this entire time?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"kai, please talk to me." jay called after him again. this time, kai abruptly turned on his heel to face jay, but he got caught on a patch of ice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"shoot!" kai felt gravity pulling him backwards. he left his foot on the ice give out from beneath him, and braced himself to hit the ice on the sidewalk. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>but he didn't, instead a warm hand enveloped his own. a few seconds passed, and kai blinked open his eyes. standing across from him was jay, grasping his hand with his own. he was breathing heavily, as if he had been running, and his nose was tinted pink because of the cold. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai could feel his heart pounding in his chest. he glanced down at their hands, then back up at jay's eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"talk to me." jay repeated, pulling kai up and away from the ice. jay didn't let go of his hand, but kai bit back a comment about it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i-" kai started, but he didn't know what to say. what was there to talk about? he looked away from jay down at the sidewalk. a strong breeze blew by, and kai shivered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>it was so childish. he just wanted to go home, damn it all. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>part of him was committed to following through with this though. jay seemed to realize this on his own, and his hand slid out of kai's grasp, reaching to unzip his windbreaker. jay slid it off his own shoulders, and flung it over kai's.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"what are you doing?" kai asked. it came out harsher than intended, and secretly he was thankful for the extra warmth. the jacket smelled lightly of fruit. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai inwardly grumbled. leave it to jay to find a fruity cologne.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"what does it look like? i'm giving you my jacket. don't make it weird." jay had a grin on his face, and kai couldn't help but roll his eyes. he also had a grin on his face, not that he'd ever admit that. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"now," jay started, "we're going to find somewhere warm and take a break. then once you're ready, we'll go back out and look for a gift for lloyd. after that, we will wrap it and call it a day. deal?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai doesn't know what to say, except for, "who put you in charge?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"me, the person in charge." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you-" before kai could finish though, jay grabbed his hand and maneuvering their way around the ice, pulled kai to a crosswalk. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"there's a bookstore across the street. you're probably not going to find anything in there, but at least it will be warm for now." jay explained, and kai realized he had a point. the snow was falling even harder now, and despite the extra jacket he now had, it was still awful. when the light for the crosswalk turned green, jay was quick to tug lightly on kai's hand, them both walking across the street.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai looked down at their hands again. what is this feeling? <em>why do i feel this...for jay?</em> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>anybody could see that jay was an objectively attractive person. he was funny, albeit a bit stupid at times, but wise at heart. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai had always known this. what made it different now?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>his head was spinning by this point. between the mess of emotions with jay, and his fiasco with lloyd, kai was beginning to develop a headache. maybe he was making this more complicated than it actually was, but either way, he had no clue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai looked up at the sign of the bookstore before they walked in. it was a vintage place, the letters of the sign written in delicate cursive. the place had minimal christmas decorations, which kai was thankful for. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>they walked inside, and an older man was standing at the counter. he greeted them with a content smile, but didn't say a word. jay led kai over to a table next to the window. it was a tiny, unstable old piece of furniture, but it would do for now. they sat down across from each other, and jay let go of kai's hand. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>needless to say, kai was embarrassed that he missed the warmth. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>they didn't say anything for the longest time. jay wasn't going to pry, and kai knew that. he appreciated it, even. kai knew that he would eventually have to say something though, but the words wouldn't come out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i'm…bad at saying things sometimes," kai admitted, "my thoughts and the words that come out aren't lined up as much as they should be. i don't know how to convey things well. this alone is enough to make my head hurt." he awaited for some smartass response from jay, but he got none. instead, he received curious look, as if jay were beckoning him to continue. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you don't always need to have the words, kai." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"huh?" kai blinked, confused by jay's statement. the other male sighed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you don't need to have the answers for how you feel. you don't owe an explanation to anyone. not to me, not to nya, and so on." jay replied, balancing his chin in his palms. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i owe an explanation to lloyd." kai retaliated. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"if that is what you feel, then go through with it." jay said, smiling slightly at the other male. the same damn smile that got kai's heart racing a million miles an hour. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you know, for someone real stupid, you're pretty good at pretending to be smart."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"hey!" jay grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. kai laughed. some things would never change. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>moments later, kai saw something out of the corner of his eye on the bookshelves. it was a book with a soft green velvet outer cover with golden letters etched on the front. he got out of his chair and approached the shelf, picking it up and flipping through. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"what's that?" jay asked curiously. he stood up to stand alongside kai. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"it's a book similar to one nya had when she was a kid," kai notes, "actually, it's the same stories just in a newer book. lots of tales about dragons, knights, things like that." he explained, and there was something fond in his expression as he turned through the pages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i used to read it to her all the time until she was old enough to read it herself. sure, the stories were all so predictable, but that's a part of the fun. it distracts you from real life, even if it's just for a little while." kai explained. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>jay didn't say much, he simply smiled as kai spoke. this was unlike the two of them, but neither was complaining. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>peace was nice. just <em>being there</em> in the moment was nice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"anyway," kai set the book back on the shelf, "erm, thanks for listening to me, and coming along today. even if you didn't have to." kai swore he could see jay's face turn a shade pinker, but the cocky grin on his face counteracted it strongly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"wow, is that kai saying thank you? i don't know if i heard you correctly, i might need you to say it again-" jay yelps as he's put in a headlock by the other ninja.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you shithead!" kai exclaimed as he ruffled up jay's hair. the other laughed; a cheerful ring in kai's ears that made his cheeks burn. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>maybe he's not always stupid.</em> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai let him go eventually, and the two stared at each other. kai was about to say something, but jay leaned over. he grabbed both of kai's hands, and pressed a tiny kiss to his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>it was a fleeting thing, gone before kai could process what he even did. jay didn't say anything about it, so kai chose not to either. yet, he couldn't stop the eruption of butterflies in his chest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>they both looked to the shelf again, back at the green book. suddenly, an idea sparked in kai's mind. he grabbed jay's bicep lightly, a weight lifting off his shoulders as the idea became more clear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>for the first time in awhile, things felt right.</p>
<p>- - -</p>
<p>"surely it's around here somewhere."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai was practically drowning in boxes , shuffling through his stuff to find the book from long ago. ever since him and jay had gotten back, he had been scouring through each and every box, desperately trying to find one very specific item. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>it wasn't until there was a knock on the door when kai sat up, calling, "come in!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>then in walked lloyd, throwing himself onto kai's bed with no introduction. kai glanced at him, and then froze. "what are you doing here?" damn it. that came out harsher than kai meant it to. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>lloyd turned his head so his ear was pressed against one of the pillows. "i'm bored, and there's nothing better to do. what ya looking for?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"something."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"can i help?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>such an odd request, at least to kai. what was it with people and wanting to help him so much?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i mean, sure. c'mere." he beckoned lloyd over with a flick of his hand, and the blonde quickly rolled off the bed and onto the floor next to him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"we're looking for a book. it should be the only book out of all this stuff." kai explained as he set a stack of worn out t shirts on the floor next to him. lloyd nodded before pulling over a box. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"why did you keep all of this stuff?" lloyd asked, and kai shrugged in reply. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"it reminds me of the good parts of the past, and that i have a future to look forward to." he explained the best he could, but the puzzled expression on lloyd's face told him that he didn't succeed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"so what would a person do if they don't have good memories of the past to look back on?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>that question alone was enough to stab kai in the heart. it seemed genuine though, judging by lloyd's curious wide eyes. kai stopped tossing things out of boxes for a second. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"in that case, i think that person should focus on the future and the wonderful memories to make." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"like christmas?" lloyd suggested, and kai debated whether or not he should start the discussion he had been meaning to with the green ninja.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"yes lloyd, like christmas. and everyday with your family by your side," kai replied, and he took a shaky breath before continuing, "you know, you have people who care about you very much lloyd."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"yeah, sensei wu tells me that all the time." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"i mean, i care about you lloyd. you're a little brother to me. i want you to know that." kai said quickly, and lloyd blinked. kai could tell he was trying to register what he had said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>suddenly, lloyd broke into a huge grin. "you mean that?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"y-yeah." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"that's awesome." lloyd said as he pulled up another box. kai pretended to not notice the watery look in lloyd's eyes, choosing to continue looking with him instead. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"is this what you were looking for?" lloyd pulled a battered book out of a bigger box. it was evident that the book had been through a lot, given the worn pages and seam that was on the verge of falling apart. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"oh! yes that's it!" kai exclaimed, and lloyd held the book out to him. suddenly, kai remembered why he had been looking for it in the first place. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he pushed the book back in the direction of lloyd. "actually, this is for you. merry christmas, lloyd." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>lloyd looked shocked. he flipped through the book gently, careful to not ruin the pages. his eyes skimmed over the words, still as watery as before. "are you sure?" he asked quietly, and kai nodded. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"yes. i know it's not anything spectacular and it's early, but it means a lot to me and i want you to have it if you'll take it. reading can be a good, healthy distraction from the outside world, as stressful as it can be." kai explained, and was caught off guard by lloyd crying. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>the younger quickly wiped his tears though, and kai safely assumed that he didn't feel comfortable crying openly quite yet. which was okay. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"thank you, i'll take good care of it." lloyd said, clutching the book to his chest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>in that moment, kai's heart swelled with something. it was the same thing he felt for nya. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>a pure, sibling love, strong and fierce.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>the only sound to be heard in the depths of the night was the owls and winter wind. kai laid in bed, staring out the window. he couldn't help the smile on his face. for once, things actually went perfect. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he pulled the jacket that jay gave him over his shoulders more. it still smelled like sweet fruit, but this time, kai didn't seem to mind. he brought his hand in vision, thinking about his feelings for jay. he may not understand them just yet, but he knew that there was something that he needed to figure out that would happen within time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>then, he thought about lloyd. his brother who now knew that he was loved very much. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>kai allowed himself to sleep, mind and heart at ease. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>tomorrow was a new day, full of love and adventure.</p>
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